2017: The Year of Shifts

2017 was certainly one of the more eventful and significant years of my 27 years on the planet so far. I moved to Seoul, got more into Ultimate, helped spread the cult of board games, and started reading for enjoyment again. Oh yeah, I got married as well. That was a thing that happened. Let’s look back at these major milestones just before 2017 comes to an end.

The Old Ball and Chain 

I’m a lucky goof who married a beautiful lady.

The first, and most influential, event of the year was my marriage to Kris. Despite my nervousness before the day, which you can read about here, it was the happiest day of my life up until this point. While the old cliche may not be true for everyone, it certainly is for me. I spent a day with my family and South African friends, celebrating the love that I have for the woman I now am lucky enough to call my wife. 2017 got off to a strong start.

Seoulward Bound

Kris and my cousin Catherine posing with Seoul’s motto. Yes, it is a mediocre motto.

The next change brought about by 2017 was our move to Seoul. Our third new city in three years in Korea, we have been interested in moving to Seoul ever since our first year. This year we finally landed up in the largest city in Korea, and it has quickly won our hearts as our favorite city in the country. The sheer scale of Seoul means that there’s always something new to see, somewhere else to explore. Our new apartment is wonderful and it makes a huge difference in our daily lives. Seoul also brings with it a larger foreigner community than our previous towns. This has made it easier to meet up with Ultinate friends. While not good for our bank accounts due to eating out more often, it has left us feeling more at home than ever in Korea.

Disc-loving Gent

Smile!

Ultimate has always been a big part of my life in Korea, but this year I felt like I took my love of the game to the next level. I trained more regularly, took more interest in self-improvement, and generally put more time into my game than I had before. While I have slacked off in the current off-season, enjoying the festive food and sloth a little more than I should, I am proud of how far I’ve come as an Ultimate player in 2017.

Gathering over Games

Kris and a friend playing Terra Mystica, one of our more in-depth games of the year.

When a friend dressed up as me for a casual Halloween costume party, they merely wore their ordinary clothes. Onto their shirt, they pinned a note saying:

“I love board games  (and my wife’s cat).”

That was all. And it was perfectly accurate. An increasing number of gatherings at our house involve bonding over some board game or another. This is reflected by the fact that I’ve had 77 plays of 29 different board games since April this year. And also by the fact that I am concerned enough about games to record each play. I adore board games. They allow for unique social experiences, and create memories that have stayed with me for years. This year was no different, and I have had a number of special moments thanks to board games this year.

New Stories, New Worlds

Ghüs, my favourite character from my favourite comic, Saga.

Before this year, I had spent very little time reading. Between work, the aforementioned Ultimate, and playing video games (another source of great stories, but not quite the same), I didn’t think to pick up a book much at all. However, during 2017, I longed for the escape that comics brought me throughout university. I slowly began to grow my collection of digital comics, starting by picking up my old favorite series before spreading to new discoveries. I have also read a small number of novels, a number I hope to improve on in 2018. I had forgotten how enjoyable reading is, but I shan’t forget again any time soon.
2017 may not have been the game-changer year like 2015 was, but it was close. Getting married, playing Ultimate, spreading the good word of board games, and growing in my reading habits were only pieces of what made 2017 special. There were certainly dark times as well, and there will be more ahead. But, as the year fades into the past, it’s more worthwhile to look back on the happiness. Happy New Year, everyone!

One Sleep Until Marriage

Tomorrow, I get married. That is something that I have been waiting to say ever since I proposed to Kris months ago. And yet, now that the time is nigh, I almost can’t perceive the experience as real. In the few days since our arrival in South Africa, I have felt every emotion from exhaustion to frustration to boredom to happiness to excitement, all the way around to exhaustion again. In a few hours, I will be standing at the altar of my old school church, bonding myself to the woman that I love for the rest of my life. And I can’t wait.

Since we landed back in the country that used to be our home a little more than two weeks ago, we have been running around with little conception of the outside world, all in the aid of organizing the wedding. We have had appointments with jewelers, photographers, decor ladies, flower ladies, priests, lawyers, and post offices. We spent almost an entire afternoon buying ties, shoes, and shirts for the day. I have even put a bow tie on my Dachshund, Basil. He looks quite dashing, actually.

We knew that our first few weeks of holiday would mostly be spent finalizing the details of the ceremony and reception. We knew that we wouldn’t have much time for anything else. What we didn’t realize was just how draining the whole ordeal would be. We have both flopped into bed in near-death states at the end of each day of pulling all of the metaphorical strings together.

What little time we have had to see our South African friends has been relished. From our respective bachelor and bachelorette parties to a couple of convenient lunch dates, we have made the most of the down time that we have had. We look forward to more of this after the wedding.

But here I sit, one night and a few hours away from being a married man. How do I feel? Honestly? Exhausted. It’s probably just because today was another day of frantic runaround, but at this moment, I am the most keen I’ve been for bed that I have been in a long time. Maybe it’s my subconscious trying to shorten the sensation of the passing of time, all to make the wedding come faster. Maybe.

Am I nervous? A little. I have to give a speech, and I hate those things. Am I nervous that I’m marrying the wrong person? Not in the slightest. The first time the gravity of the situation truly hit me was today during the rehearsal. We were practicing our vows, staring deep into each others eyes. I was gazing into the soul of the woman that I love, pretending to promise myself to her for the rest of my life. Tomorrow, I do it for real. I can’t wait.

Engagement

As of today, I have been engaged for almost 2 months. While my fiancee and I had a great time seeing Seattle, eating its food, and experiencing The International, nothing from our short time in America will prove to be more impactful on our lives than my proposal to Kris. For some men, an engagement is something they meticulously plan down to the minute to give the biggest wow-factor possible. For others, it is a spur-of-the-moment action, forever immortalizing the pure feeling of a moment. For me, it was somewhere in the middle.

Our engagement was, as they say, a long time coming. We had been talking about it casually for years before, and I had a good idea of what I thought Kris would like to have for her engagement story. We had even discussed with her mother, who had offered her ring for me to use in my proposal.

My planning for the engagement began in earnest in April of 2016, a few months before our trip to Seattle. My aunt visited us from South Africa, bearing with her a number of treats that we had missed from home. Unbeknownst to Kristen, she also bore a crucial part of my proposal – her mother’s ring. Whilst she was showering or at work or otherwise indisposed, my aunt gave me the ring, and I hid it away from Kris, hoping to keep it a secret until the time was perfect.

I first hid the ring in a pocket of my laptop bag that I take to work every day. Keeping it on me for most of the time meant that there was no risk that Kris would stumble upon it whilst cleaning or just wandering the house while I wasn’t there. After a few weeks, I began to feel like Frodo, the weight of the ring bearing me down with anxiety. I also thought that I risked losing it myself, so I decided to rather hide it amongst some of the mess in our spare room, buried deep under clothes and bags. And there it lay, biding its time, for months.

Its time would come for certain when, shortly before our holiday, my mother informed me that my brother would be visiting us in Seattle for a weekend. I thought that his presence sealed the deal on an already impressive proposal package: a trip to a new city with many beautiful scenic places to propose, on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation, now with a family member present to take photos? I knew that it was a moment the likes of which I would not have again for a long time.

So, I colluded with my brother, telling him of my intentions. His duties were to take photos of the occasion and be his generally charming and bubbly self. He also provided me an excuse for Kris to have to wear a nice dress – my brother is known to suit up on occasion, and I told Kris to bring something fancyish to wear in case he wanted to go somewhere that warranted nicer clothes.

As for the venue, I was not one hundred percent set on the location of the proposal before we arrived in Seattle – I had narrowed it down to a couple of the more accessible and scenic parks, but I hadn’t made up my mind. Luckily for me, this was sorted when Kris was told about a local wine farm at which a friend’s mother worked, and expressed a keen interest to go. I smiled more than I probably should have, and suggested that it be somewhere we take my brother Jamie on his weekend. It was all set.

When the day came, I was perfectly calm. The schedule for the day was simple – we would go on an Underground tour in the morning, and then head to the wine farm in the afternoon. Kris, Jamie and I met up for breakfast at the local corner cafe, ate heartily, and left for the day. As we began the Underground tour, we stopped to take a photo at its start. It was here that we discovered that the memory card for the camera was….not in the camera. A proposal without pictures? That would certainly not go down well. Oh well, the fix was simple – we would head back to the apartment, get the memory card out of the computer (where I had left it after transferring photos from the TI6 press day), and then continue our journeys. Easy.

This was made distinctly less easy when we discovered that we (read: I) had somehow managed to lock the door with the keys still inside, and our host had left to visit his parents for the day. To say that I was freaking out would be akin to saying that sugar might in some way be linked to weight gain. Despite the level of tension within, I couldn’t seem too worried, because at this point, the proposal was still a surprise for Kris. If I completely had a meltdown over not being able to take photos at a seemingly innocuous wine farm, she would think something was up. So, I put on a brave, slightly crazed face, and quickly found a nearby store that sold memory cards. Crisis averted. No need to push the big red button. We got in an Uber and headed to the wine farm.

When we got there, I covertly told my brother to buy some champagne whist we were doing a wine tasting. He had had a rather big night the night before, and wasn’t exactly on speaking terms with alcohol quite yet. So, whilst we were listening to the nice wine hostess tell us about each wine before I nervously gulped it down with little pretense of appreciating it, he did. We finished our tasting, and left the main building. I suggested we take a walk around the grounds – it seemed quite pretty, and I wanted to enjoy greenery before we headed back to the cement forests of Korea. Kris obliged. My hands began to shake noticeably.

We wandered for a while before I spotted a small lake with some beautiful, leafy trees surrounding them. This was the place. There was no better spot on the wine farm. I told Jamie to get the camera out, and ask that Kris take off the bangle from the Underground tour – it wouldn’t look so good in photos, I said. She looked puzzled, but did so. We walked together to the edge of the lake. I breathed in. After a moment of complete and utter terror, I breathed out, looked Kris in the eye, and started a short, impromptu speech. I told her how much I loved her. I told her how happy she made me, in every possible way. I told her how she had helped me find and more readily express who I really am. I told her how she made me want to be a better person – to be more than just a person who forgets the memory card and house keys in the apartment. I may have sworn once out of nervousness. Then, I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. She said yes. We drank champagne. We took photos. It was just as I had hoped.

In truth, I knew she would say yes. I knew I wanted to ask her from when I first got to know her, and she for some reason knew that she would say yes from the moment she got to know me. I was nervous because I wanted to give her a story that she would proudly tell whenever she would get asked ‘Well dear, how did he propose?’. And, in talks since then, she said I gave her a wonderful story. I could not have planned a better moment. That makes me proud. I could not have asked for a better person to spend my life with, and if I managed to give her what she dreamed of, there is no greater honour in the world.

Alike, yet Askew

It is after the passing of several months in a new place that one can stop focusing on all that is going on around oneself, and realize that other people’s lives are changing as well. People get married, or move house, start new relationships, or do something completely unexpected. For me, I have noticed a lot of changes in the last few weeks, causing me to look back at what has happened in the lives of my friends whilst I have been in Korea. I was staggered by how much has gone on whilst I was too busy trying to wade into Korea and its culture.

In our current age of immediate, ever-present social media and information, looking back on my friends’ lives has been eerily easy. I have browsed photographs of weddings and honeymoons that I had no idea were even imminent. I have peered through years of profile pictures, thinking to myself that some people change remarkably little, while others morph into completely new people through the passing of time. Someone that has always been known as clean-shaven is nigh unrecognizable with a full beard. The reverse is also true.

These unprocessed changes (or lack thereof) lay everywhere in my Facebook feed. In the past, I would have been able to keep up with the myriad of happenings in the lives of almost every single person that I was connected to. Now, I am boggled by trying to keep up with even a handful. I think that my inability to keep up is a combination of a number of factors.

Firstly, I simply do not have as much time to keep up with everything happening in the digital world. Between my full-time job, my volunteering at GosuGamers, freelance writing, and generally trying to keep my mental health within acceptable boundaries, I have far less time to sink into Facebook than I had when I was a bored student with hours of free time.

Secondly, I have become a little disillusioned with the platform and social media in general. It is certainly a superb way to connect with people on the other side of the world. I have managed to keep message conversations with people I would otherwise have lost touch with. Looking at a person’s feed is a decent way to see what they’ve been up to. For most of you, my doting readers, my Facebook feed is how you keep up with when I post a new slew of words. It is a necessary part of our everyday lives. However, it is also a dangerous, vacuous pit where one can lose hours and one’s happiness or ability to feel anything, simply by staring at selfies of those around you.

This is linked to the third reason I use social media less than I once did – the ratio between valuable content and superfluous content has most definitely lessened, meaning that one must invest far more time in order to find something of value than one used to have to. What was once a bright star of connection to one’s peers has swollen into the beginnings of a black hole of narcissism. It has become much easier to post one’s entire life experience onto Facebook, from photographs to documents to sharing that great Buzzfeed link to those around us (#7 will BLOW YOUR MIND!). While the sheer amount of content on Facebook makes it easy to track changes in the lives of those we care about, it is also easy to become overwhelmed by the depth of life going on around us. Or to see hordes of selfies. Even this post is an exercise in narcissism – I write what I am thinking, hoping that people will notice and click an arbitrary button and validate my thoughts.

Social media helps us keep together. It has been great to scroll through the slideshow lives of my friends as projected through Facebook. Keep posting things. I like seeing things, and so does most of society these days. But before you post, consider the value of what you are posting. We love you, but do we want to see another just-woken-up selfie? You decide. We’ll all see it all anyway.